Library in SOHO

The library on Jersey street in SOHO is absolutely ridiculous.  The first floor is laid out nicely, however there is nowhere to really sit because the room fills up quickly.  I look at one of the counter people and she looks at me then quickly looks away.  I walk over to her “Can I help you?” she asks in an aggravating tone because she realized she made eye-contact with me and now she actually has to help me.  “Yeah, is there anywhere else to sit?” I asked. “Yes.” she replied then looks down.  “May I ask where or is that classified?” I asked.  “Two flights down.” she replies as she rolls her eyes at me.  “Thank you, is there something wrong with your eyes?” I asked.  “No why?” she asked back.  “No reason, you should really get that fixed.” I said back to her.  “Get what fixed?” she asked in a nasty tone.  “Your attitude.” I said, as I walked away towards the stairs.

Now for the ridiculous.  The lower level is the children’s level or glorified daycare.  Kids are running around, with no type of order or supervision at all.  Mothers standing around with their lattes bashing their husbands to each other, as they compliment each other’s outfit and secretly hate on each other.  It’s the usual SOHO activity, each one wearing their sense of entitlement like a badge, as if they own the place or if they’re at a private club socializing.  I continue down the next flight to the basement where the apparent adult section is located.

Both rooms in the adult section are full.  I walked around and arrive at a section that was completely empty.  I sat down and unpacked my bag.  30 seconds into unpacking, I am immediately approached by a librarian.  She told me that I had to move because I am too old to be in the teen section.  Glancing at my watch, the time was 10:45 am.  Now what teen in their right mind is going to be at a library 10:45 in the morning on a school-day(cutters, maybe, I don’t even know if that term exists anymore)?

As I finish repacking, I go back into one of the adult rooms which got even more crowded.  People sitting around pretending to look at their cellphones and laptops.  Meanwhile, all they’re doing is sleeping.  “I’m done.” I said to myself.  I begin my trek back up to the the main floor, I see one of the library employees and asked where the restroom is.  She pointed around the corner.  I walked around the corner and was confronted by a massive line of an interesting demographic waiting to use the restroom.  A line consisting of homeless, library regulars and tourists smiling.  This line isn’t going to work so I head to the stairs.

I come around the stairs and back into the children’s section and notice that it’s empty.  No screaming kids or certified gourmet coffee sippers.  I also see a restroom, no line.  “May I help you?” says a voice from behind me.  I turn around and asked to use the restroom and of course it’s only for children.  I respect the fact that there is a restroom for children only.  Children should have a safe restroom to use.  However, just as I’m about to turn around to the stairs, I witness a grown man coming out of the restroom.  He walks by, says “Thank you.” to her, then heads upstairs.

Conclusion:

“For children only, huh” I said eyeing her.  “Well he…” “Don’t even try it” I said as I interrupted her.  I finish my ascension up the stairs and I’m back to the main floor and you guessed it, it’s empty.  I walk over, unpack and have a seat.  Just as I am logging in to start this article, I realize I still have to pee. Really!!?

My First

This is my first “Really!!?” submission so please don’t judge me (yeah right, judge me all you want).  I’m a New Yorker all my life, “native” to some and “original” to others.  The fact that I live in the greatest city in the world has its challenges.

Challenges to me are the same as annoyances to others.  We are going to classify annoyances as challenges to be polite.  I am only going to discuss one challenge in this submission because too many challenges can be annoying, no pun intended.

Challenge:

Waiting for my luggage at JFK just pisses me off especially when it’s a small bag but not small enough so it needs to be checked.  Sitting next to annoying people on a flight pisses me off.  Now I know what you’re saying, theses challenges aggravate everyone.  This is very true, however, here comes the curveball.

Last week I’m waiting for my luggage at JFK and of course there are two tourists making their way through the crowd of people.  Two ladies excited because it’s their first time in New York City.  What I find amusing, is that they look at me as if I don’t belong here.  I look back at them and say “First time here”?  They both reply with an emphatic “yes”.  One lady asks “What about you”? “Oh, I’ve been here all my life.” I said.  I don’t know what I’m thinking and why I even asked, however, I figured I would have a little fun.

“You’re so lucky, I wish I could live here” she said.  I responded “Really, you’re standing in the middle of the airport, what are you basing it on?  Where are you from?” as I looked directly in her eyes.  “California!” was her response.  I smiled and then asked “What’s the first thing you plan on doing when you get settled”?  “Go for a run through Central Park.” was her response.

There’s the challenge.  The most exciting city in the world, with everything at your fingertips and you are going to go for a run through “Central Park”.  Really!!?  Not bad for my first one, I welcome the feedback.

Parking Tap

So here I am, in the heart of Downtown Brooklyn and as usual, looking for parking.  Of course there is no parking, however, one space did just open right in front of me, which I can’t believe.  Now we have all been on  the delivering and receiving end of a parallel park.  If you haven’t then keep reading and learn a little something.

I say “delivering and receiving” because  we all delivered the tap and we received a tap from someone else.  I get into position and I start doing the dreaded parallel park into a miniscule space.  I back in and pull forward.  All is well, however I appear to be a little far for my standard of parking, especially for a native.  After pulling back a little more I pull forward and I tap the guy in front of me.  Since it was a slight tap, normally people usually don’t make a big deal about it.  However, if you tap a nice car there might be a little static.  It’s Brooklyn, everyone taps a bumper here and there.

The guy I tapped doesn’t have the same  philosophy, therefore he decides to get out and take a look at his bumper.  He then looks at me and I give a friendly wave of apology to him.  I look at his plate and see he is from Florida. He has one of those “Save the Manatee” plates.  He glares at me and I crack my window slightly open.  He approaches with his hands out at his side and I ask “You having a bad day”? “I am now” he replies.  I ask “How long you’ve been living here”? “Couple of months” was his response.  “You’ll get used to it” as I jokingly say with a smile.  “It’s nothing to smile about” he says as he continues to glare at me.

At this point I can see he’s not letting up so I decide to get out of my car very carefully and say “My man you are going to have a lot of bad days around here because that’s all people do, we tap each other’s cars most of the time. You’re just heated because you happen to be in your car when it took place.  Don’t make a big deal about it.  Go about your business and think of the Manatees, what would they do in this situation” as he continues to glare at me and I glare back at him.

Parking Tap You Me NYC

Before he could say anything else, I continued with “We wouldn’t want the Manatees to lose a contributor, due to a sudden disability would we? You can never be too careful around here”.  He continued to glare and I glared right back at him, also keeping an eye on his hands just in case he tried to take a swing.

Conclusion:

What’s hilarious about this situation is that this guy got all bent out of shape over a tap on the back bumper of his “Toyota Rav 4” a car that can take a tap.  The lesson learned, is not to take a tap too seriously.  Also be careful, a slight tap could be someone looking to start something.  As far as Mr. Manatee is concerned, I am guessing he is not long for Brooklyn.  One of those moments that make you say Really!!?.

Ride Share

So here I am taking advantage of a semi new ride-share company in New York City.  Not like we don’t have enough ride-shares in the city, however that’s just my opinion.  However, I really like this particular service, it’s like a glorified bus.  We are in one of those six passenger Mercedes vans going up and down the avenues picking up and dropping people off.

It’s Monday morning and of course the mood of the passengers is “shitty”.  No one wants to talk, they just want to get to their destination and start another miserable day at a job they don’t particularly like.  What I find comical are the passengers that feel this service is specifically and only for them.  You know whom I am talking about.  I classify them as the “Entitled Ones”.  The ride is never complete unless one of them gets on and huffs and puffs because we make a stop to pick up or drop off before their destination.

As we are making a stop, no one wants to move for her.  This is why I sit in the back so I don’t have to move.  Anyway, no one wants to move.  The passenger sitting closest to the door had the nerve to ask her to go around.  I said to myself, “You have to be kidding me, yeah, let’s have her go around into on-coming traffic because no one wants to move over one seat”.  Before I could say anything the young lady said it herself “How bout you move over so I can get in and we stop delaying everyone’s commute, it’s not like your ass is made of gold”?

Coming from a true New Yorker right there and I love it.  Everyone shifted a seat and she got on.  As she sat down she looked at everyone and said “That wasn’t so hard was it” and my response “No not at all sometimes people and asses are one of the same” as I looked directly over at the jerk who asked her to go around.

 

 

Summer Rental

So here I am, in an overrated and overpriced coffee house, having a conversation with a lovely lady which I can’t avoid, about how her husband rents her the same house, each summer in the Hamptons.  I also get to hear how it’s just for her and her girlfriends only, no husbands(lucky husbands).

I asked her if it is rented for the whole summer and she replied “Absolutely, I can’t just go for a few days”.  She then looked at me, as the typical “Entitled Ones” usually do, as if I am a peasant walking by her manor.  I don’t know what could’ve come over me to ask such a question.

I asked her another question as we’re patiently waiting for our 6 dollar cups of coffee.  I asked, how often she goes to Long Island for the summer and her response was “Oh, I don’t go to Long Island at all, I only go to the Hamptons”.  I furrowed my brow and walked over to the pickup area as my name was called for the small fortune I spent on a mediocre cup of “Joe”.  Really!!?

Problems with Originals

Just a quick note, I was in “Best Buy” a couple days ago over in South Brooklyn at the Caesar’s Bay Shopping center.  I was looking at the flatscreen televisions and I was approached by one of their employees who asked me if I needed any help.  I kinda shooed him away and continued to look at the sets and viewing the information on them.  I then started to do a little comparative shopping on the web to see if there were any better deals.

While I was shopping online, I hear a strong Brooklyn accent over by the computers and he was rather perturbed.  I started laughing a little and he looked over at me.  “You find something funny”, he asked as he glared at me.  After glancing quickly at his shirt with his name on it, I replied “No not all Joe, it’s good to see a few ‘Originals’ are still left in the neighborhood over here, you know what I mean, we’re disappearing”.  Joe then says “What are you talking about, I work with 4 Joes at my job, we have to refer to each by first name and last name’s first letter.  I work with a ‘Joe B’ ‘Joe D’ and “.

I then interrupted, extended my hand, shook his and said “Well it’s been a pleasure Joe and whatever your last name’s first letter is” and walked out of the store just saying to myself “Really”!!?  I guess he thought my name was “Joe”, and how in the hell can he think I was referencing to the fact that his name and my name  are the same, as opposed to being an original from Brooklyn.  I got out of there looked at my watch and saw it was time for a cocktail.


Cold Water

OK, here it its, I was sitting in one of my favorite restaurants last night and of course, there’s a group of obnoxious jackasses at the table next to me. They were having a good time and definitely already had a few drinks.  While they were having a meeting of the minds, one of these brilliant, productive members of society realized they hadn’t ordered yet so they flagged down their server.

The server came over and started taking their orders.  While he asked the most brilliant of the scholarly minds “What would you like to drink”, Mr. Intelligent responded, “Do you have cold water”?  Everyone just stopped and pretty much the entire restaurant stopped.  It was so quiet, you could hear the sound of crickets (figuratively speaking of course).  In my mind, they certainly aren’t going to offer warm water, what a dumb-ass.  It was one of those moments where you just want to say “What an idiot” or a few other expletives.  After about 30 seconds, life was back to normal and I asked for the check.  REALLY!!?


Breakfast

I was driving a friend of mine to work a couple of days ago and I was dropping her off at the usual spot which is this little cafe she likes to to sit at before she goes to work. I asked her “What is so good about this spot” and she replies to me “They have great breakfast there”. I said “Oh yeah, what do you have” and she said “I don’t have breakfast”. I am literally puzzled and then I asked her, “So what do you do in there” and she says “I just have coffee and a bagel”. REALLY!!?